Happy Birthday to Me

It’s here.  My final year of my 30’s.  Hello 39.

I have never been one to love my birthday. I felt it was a day that never lived up to what I wanted it to be. So I ran around making plans to try to make it something special and then in the end. I felt that what all birthdays bring is that moment of nostalgia. Where we realize we can’t go back and that our sweet precious lives are moving fast and that they aren’t exactly what we think they should be. When I was younger I wanted to be older. I wanted to be somewhere already. I wanted to be found—to be in a place called happiness. But I had no idea how to get there and no matter how pretty, or full my life was, I didn’t feel the fullness.  

After 38 circles around the sun, I feel different. I feel older in a good way, perhaps the best way. I feel grateful. I feel lucky. I feel this sense that time is not to be taken for granted and that each day is a gift. I feel full—and I feel comfortable being full.  I like what I have picked from the buffet of life and my plate is delicious and yes, at times, overflowing. But nonetheless it is yummy and real. And when it feels empty, I think age and wisdom have given me the courage to sit with the emptiness and not see it as a bad thing, but as a moment to be with me.

I used to want to feel something big on my birthday. Maybe it was a way of hoping that if I felt great and important, it would make me somehow feel on the right track or be a sign that I was living the life I was meant to. But it never felt that way.  But now, I want my birthday to be simple. I want to pal around with my kids, get a smooch from my love and eat a cupcake.  But to me, that is most days and for that I know I am on the right track.  

Thank you 38. It was a year of BIG change, movement, love and growth. Now 39 let’s slow down and really spend some quality time together.

So, in honor of my birthday, I am giving you a big denim deal.

From Thursday, March 21–Sunday March 24: BUY ONE PAIR OF JEANS AND GET YOUR SECOND PAIR FREE.

Enjoy, and eat a cupcake too :)